Difference of Opinions

When it comes to adoption there is no ONE way about it. There are so many misguided people out there. I wish I could answer all the worlds questions in one blog and be done with but its not that easy. There are many area's of adoption. Each situation is different in its own way based on the birth mom, the adoption parents, the child, the agency and so many other things.

I have a child, her name is Jordan. I also have a son for whom I am the 'birth mother' for. When I talk about Jordan she is my daughter when I talk about my birth son he is my son.

It took tremendous strength for me to choose adoption for my son. Only a mother who can face the facts about their own life can make this heart wrenching decision for their child. At the time I got pregnant my life was circling the drain and I had NO motivation to try and fix it because I was still a teenager. I wasn't even out of high school and I just wanted to be a child. The problem with that is that even without my son to raise  I was still forced to grow up.

Don't get me wrong I did my completely childish things. I moved to a new state, I made new friends I took on jobs I would never do. I drank enough right after I turned 21 for 30 people in a life time. I grew quickly bored with that lifestyle. The issue is that the lifestyle masked my issues with the adoption. I was never forced to really face my pain, then I got pregnant and found a new way to ignore the adoption. Until the last year I have been able to ignore all that sadness and pain. This year seems to have brought it all on me like waves crashing down uncontrollably. I wish I had more control of what I feel but after 11 years of 'forgetting' but since I shoved that down for so long its like 11 years of sadness, anger, and depression are coming out all at once.

Be Realistic!

Here is a conversation from today. I deleted all the names but my own because I don't want to infringe on anyones personal life but I DID want to share the conversation. Please know what terms to use. If you aren't sure we are more than willing to educate you or let you know what we prefer.

SF Okay I have held my tongue for 3 1/2 years since the placement of my birth daughter. I am in a bad mood and got one final button pushed. I am tired of being told not to use the term 'birthmom'. I am a birthmom because I carried a life for 9 months then made the sacrifice of placing her with a loving family, I cannot undo being a birthmom therefore I cannot stop using the term. Im sorry it offends a lot of you but it does not offend my daughters parents to my knowledge so until it offends them to call me a birthmom I will continue to use it. So get over it and yourself and butt out. Thank you that is all

 ·  · 10 hours ago  

• 7 people like this.
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    Chelsie Burke Who do I have to set straight? Someone needs to be educated on adoption!

    10 hours ago ·  ·  1
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    SF Just idiotic people. Mostly were friends who I thought were learning about adoption because of questions but I guess their veiws have not changed

    9 hours ago · 
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    SF My teacher today is the one who said its offensive to use

    9 hours ago · 
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    Chelsie Burke Well maybe you should make a complaint about this teacher. Teachers are supposed to be uplifting and supportive. Not combative and hurtful.

    9 hours ago ·  ·  1
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    SF Im seriously considering it but her boss also taught an adoption lesson saying the same things last month

    9 hours ago · 
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    Chelsie Burke Well my advice on this is, People are allowed opinions. While what they are saying isn't opinion, they are arguing with FACT let them have it. You know what is true that YOU are in FACT a birth mom regardless of what these obviously misguided people think. There are thousands upon thousands of people who agree that you are IN FACT a birth mother through and through. You can come to us and talk with us who are also birth mothers. We have your back and have the same thoughts on being who we are to others. A teacher is only your teacher for so long. You are a birth mother for the rest of your life.

    9 hours ago ·  ·  3
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    SF Thanks chelsie. Plus side I do not have them as teachers for much longer

    9 hours ago ·  ·  2
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    Chelsie Burke Then to H E double hockey sticks with them. They no longer matter to you. What they think is shameful.

    9 hours ago ·  ·  2
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    SF You made me laugh lol

    9 hours ago · 
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    Chelsie Burke And hopefully I also made you feel better and stronger. Be with your convictions! Stand by them. You birthed a child after carrying them for 9 months. When I say I am a birth mother I am talking about my son, not my daughter for whom I am raising. My son for whom I made an adoption plan for. You are the very definition of a birth mom :) stand proud and keep your head held high!

    9 hours ago ·  ·  1
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     TTM I have no clue who possibly would think that term is inappropriate. U R M's BIRTHMOM. U gave birth not me and now u have me all fired up, some people just need to shut up, if u have NOT been in the situation, u don't get an opinion. S will always BE Ms birth mother...

    9 hours ago ·  ·  4
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    Chelsie Burke TTM you are amazing!

    9 hours ago ·  ·  1
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    TTM SF is amazing, bottom line.

    9 hours ago ·  ·  3
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    SS Sweetie, you need to tell your teacher to go to glossary.adoption.com/birth-mother and they will see that you are correct in using the term birth mom. That being said, I agree with the comments said here you are amazing and ARE M's BIRTH MOM. Now on a lighter note do I need to come up there and have a conversation with your teacher. I love you, Baby Girl and am proud of the woman you have become. I am proud to say "Yes sir that's my daughter."

    8 hours ago ·  ·  2
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    RC I agree with every that commented on here. SF you are a Birthmom! I don't care what the teacher says, they think they know it all b/c they have a degree. I think its offensive if you don't use the word!

    8 hours ago ·  ·  1
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    SF Thanks guys you made me feel better. I just am tired of people acting like they know whats best when they have only research not expierence. Thank you t, but u are amazing to. Thank you chelsie because I know you understand exactly how it feels. Thank you mom and k for the support and k your right some teachers act like know everything because of a degree

    8 hours ago ·