Are the walls closing in?

I am so sad and stressed that this won't go my way. My heart is already so broken. My options in this are to be happy that I got what I got and return my walls into UP position when it comes to the adoption or I can at least have faith that I have done everything right and they will give me what I deserve being a rule following caring individual.

I love and miss my son everyday. Sadly this connection I have to him has dulled over time. I used to be able to feel him in my heart and now its faded to practically nothing. When I can't stand the pain of something I usually just shove it back into the back of my mind and let it be forgotten. This is something that may not be able to be forgotten but my emotions for it are so close to the surface that one little let down I am afraid will collapse me. I just need my hand held.......