Is there regret?

I get asked OFTEN about any regrets I have about the adoption. I don't have any I want to make that 100% clear. In watching some old shows on netflix lately I ran across an old episode of Brothers and Sisters where Kitty and Robert are meeting with a potential bio mom and she is 100% sure of her decision but Kitty is not sold and so she pushes the mom to think about changing her mind and in the end she decides not to go with Kitty and Robert.

When I was making my adoption plan they suggest you think about the 'what if's' assuming if you think about it before hand you will be less likely to change your mind in the end and saving a bunch of people heartache. The thing is I thought about raising the kid on my own daily while I was expecting. Its something you go through every SECOND. Internally I fought with myself, I was born to be a mommy I could emotionally do it. My heart though knew I wouldn't be in it 100% I could talk myself into doing it but I would make many people crash and burn.

This is where I think I became the most rational person I know. I can't help it anymore, when situations get presented to me I am already thinking about today, tomorrow and 5 years from now. Plus all the people around me and if it would be a good situation or a bad one. So I never expressed this need to raise the baby externally though. I knew where my life would have ended up if I would have not made an adoption plan and in my head it was law. If I would have backed out I would have never forgiven myself. NEVER. Even with what is going on with the whole open adoption closing shut in my face 2 years ago without warning I am still positive I made the right decision. I may not like the situation but I am going to accept that God has a plan for this and I know he will show me the light when I am ready. Maybe right now is not my time to reconnect with them, though it kills me DAILY. The best I can do is pray they are all doing well and keep myself easily found in their lives so they can connect with me.