The new

So I went through the proper channels and got an update about my son recently. I was ecstatic, excited, scared and worried all at once. Its been three years since I have heard anything and so when I got the letter I was wrought with all emotions at once. I wish things were different I really do but just getting this update made my whole week. I had only told a couple of people I would be hearing from his mom within the month so I wouldn't have to keep explaining to EVERYONE why nothing had come.

A little while ago I had to deal with some anger about my situation from someone outside of it. While I see the anger and frustration its just NOT WORTH IT. I can explain and honestly its pretty simple when I met his parents I knew INSTANTLY they were his parents. I knew we would be tied together for life the instant I saw them in person. When discussing things with them I felt like a part of their family, they just had a way of making you want to be a part of what they had created.

They made me promises about my childs life that just showed me I was making the right decision. They were talking about a life I had always wanted as a child for mine! I couldn't have been happier, or more jealous! LOL The thing about this situation is yes I am upset and yes I feel like I deserve an apology and a better explanation then 'We got busy' BUT they kept each and every promise they ever made to me. My child is happy, he is well rounded, he does things that keep him active and that challenge him and he takes the vacations I always wish I could. I can't say his family is a happy family now, I can't say that he loves where he is what I can say is I couldn't have made a better choice. With me life would have been horrible, for all of us. I hated his dad for what he had done to me, for the words that were said and the hatred that I felt.

I can't explain away what I did though. My child may never want to have a relationship with me and sadly I HAVE to accept that. I would never want to go back and change our situation though and all I can do is hope that he takes the high road and looks at what I went through and understands that I put his needs before my own and I did that for 9 months and for his whole life.

So thank you to his mom and dad. Thank you to his brother and whole family. I know I don't have to worry about him I know he is happy and healthy and growing at a faster rate of speed then we can keep up, we predicted when he was hours old that he was going to outgrow everyone! HAHAHA I only hope that you speak fondly of me and encourage positive discussions of me when I do come up. I love you all and hope that this letter is just the beginning of more to come. That you will trust me and know that I would NEVER compromise anything that came to you and I hold you close to my heart and prayers every day.