I am 33 days from an epic day in my sons life. He is going to be 13. There are things that surround the day of this birth like the missed Due Date, my high school graduation, and then the relinquishment. All those things come within a week of the other.
I am starting to notice things about myself. When I go to the store when I find something cute its like I immediately realize I can't have it by stating it would look better on X person and then I send them a photo of it to prove myself right. It could be cost or size or color but something in me snaps and I realize I just can't do it.
Somehow that just suddenly reminded me of my adoption process. I looked at this child I just gave birth too like he was never mine to begin with. When I saw his mom holding him it just sealed the deal for me. While his DNA is one half me his life wasn't mine to witness first hand. It was my duty to give him life and my duty to protect him and give him everything. I did that in picking his parents. They are the perfect people for him.
When I met the mom I can nearly remember the fear in her eyes. I can't remember much about what we talked about, this was more then 13 years ago now, but I remember the fear and the hurt. His dad had a wall a HUGE wall up, which I promise you is STILL UP, but she was vulnerable. She was asking without saying a word for me to help her. I love them both, anger or not, and am embracing life and not anger.
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