So I keep telling myself NOT to get my hopes up. I know I could go the rest of my life never hearing from my son's parents or even him. The problem is the week before Christmas I got a little TINY bit of a glimmer of hope so now here I am getting let down.
No promises were made and none were expected, outwardly, but I always want to be apart of his life......
Is this wrong of me. I guess while seeing my fellow birth mom's talk about seeing their birth children over the holidays or planning on seeing them for their birthday's this year I think I get envious. I wish i still had the same relationship with his parents that I did when he was a baby.
Its heart breaking that they feel the need to not trust me. If I didn't love his parents I think this would hurt less. Maybe I need to find a way to become disconnected from him and them so when these things happen I can just 'not care' is this even possible? I mean for those who know me would it be as hard as I think for me to just remove myself from the situation and ignore the hurt and sadness and let these things just roll off of my back when they happen.
I mean I have to tell you its NOT EASY. I have tried but it sits here festering in my gut like under cooked chicken. It has to come out and if its anger, tears or eating somehow it manifests itself in a bad way.
