My life was stale for a while. I was letting the same people walk all over me and take advantage of me. I put up fights but not hard enough. I was beaten battered and abused. What it all comes down to is in my personal life I don't FULLY deal with my emotions so when I am alone I don't 'cry' or 'lash' out I just hide behind my words or music that best describes those feelings.
When I was younger, like in my teens and before the adoption, I would write for HOURS on end in journals and turn those things into music, poems and sonnets. I still to this day think if I applied myself and let it all flow that I could write a pretty thich book about my life but change names and people in it.
In no way is my situation normal, though whos is, but in no way is my situation abnormal. I know who I am and I have an idea of who I want to be those aren't the issues. The issues are what are my next steps, EVERYTIME. So here I am today and I know my next step, getting a job. Fixing my life piece by piece. What I want, and why I wrote this here, is I want my kids to be proud of me. I want my son to look back on my hard times and thank me for not dragging him through the dirt and I want my daughter to see how hard I worked at making her life as great as it could be so she knows I love her too.
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