I signed my rights over on July 14th. There is a 72 hour hold in AZ where nothing can be done. I left the hospital the night I had you and let your mom and dad take over care immediately. They both had the hospital bracelets and came and got you the very next day when the doctor released you. We were all so very glad you were where you needed to be but I just wanted to be sure you were safe at all times so the hold was the worst 3 days of my life. I tried my best to stay calm but I was so worried about you in those two days you weren't in the hospital, what IF something went terribly wrong? I would have never forgiven myself.
First thing on that Wednesday morning I was at the agency awaiting paperwork. It was like the never ending story. I was so anxious to make sure your parents could become your parents that it never crossed my mind until it was over how I wasn't your mom anymore. I was so sad on the drive home. You were no longer mine.
I would tell your mom how I read stores about how mother and child are always connected by 'sound' that YOU would always remember my voice but that thought faded a few years ago. It really hurts that I am not in contact with you and your family like I had hoped and while 'Life goes on' it never gets any easier knowing you are older. I miss you everyday.
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